Sorry I Was Late For Work

This blog – Six Minute Increments – started with these #sorryiwaslateforwork posts.  The boys’ shenanigans made me repeatedly late for work, and I started writing it all down.  I have been so grateful to learn from all of you that I’m not alone in this madness.

  • Before I had kids, I didn’t realize that I could ruin someone’s life by asking him to put on socks.


  • Luke told me that he needed band-aids this morning because my singing makes his ears bleed.


  • Parenthood: Carefully putting socks on your youngest child’s feet while he’s sleeping so he doesn’t get cold at night. Then being jerked out of sleep at 2:18 a.m. by him screaming, because he has woken up and discovered that they’re yellow.


  • Luke had a spectacular tantrum on the kitchen floor this morning and wouldn’t put his shoes on. Me: “Luke, why are you crying?” Luke: “Because my shirt is blue.”


  • Max saw the snow this morning and said, “Look Mama, it’s snowing outside AND downstairs!” I ran down to the basement to find Luke and Charlie ripping up 872 sheets of construction paper and throwing the pieces all over the room.


  • I asked Charlie to put his jacket on this morning. He burst into tears. Apparently he had just remembered that he doesn’t like marshmallows.


  • Charlie couldn’t find his favorite Mickey Mouse socks this morning. They were on his feet.


  • At 2:37 this morning, Charlie was “yasking” (yelling/asking) me to bring a knife to him in his crib. I did not. He was upset this morning and said that because of me, he wasn’t able to make his sandwich.


  • Noticed some pee on the living room floor as I was rushing out the door. After the morning I had with the boys, I can’t say with any confidence that one of the puppies was the culprit.


  • Someone tried to steal my car the other night. Police dusted it for fingerprints. Max has been telling people that my car is a crime scene. I think daycare is concerned.


  • Charlie presented me with the doorknob this morning, claiming that it just “fell” off the door. Eyewitnesses tell a different story. We literally could not get out of the house.


  • I woke up at 5:15 this morning, as I do most mornings. Folded the boys’ laundry; made their lunches (three different kinds of sandwiches); fixed their breakfast; got them dressed (no one cooperated); located two stuffed animals that somehow went rogue overnight; found Max’s missing action figure  (that he hasn’t been interested in for the last 3 months but that he ABSOLUTELY had to have today); changed two diapers (both Charlie’s); pulled chicken out of the freezer and started prepping dinner for tonight. All before 7:15. There was a Cheerio on the floor (literally, a single one) and I asked Max to pick it up. His response: “Mama, how come you make us do EVERYTHING around here? Followed by Luke: “Yeah Mama, it’s not FAIR.”


  • Luke announced this morning that he will only wear pants with an elastic band. I am thinking of making a similar announcement.


  • Max and Luke were fighting over who got into the car first this morning.
    “Luke, it doesn’t matter if you’re first or last. It matters that you exist!”
    Wise words from my oldest son, who then pushed his brother out of the way and got into the car first.


  • Max refused to get out of the car this morning until I acknowledged that he was born in New York City.  He was born in Delaware.


  • We didn’t have enough cash to pay our cleaning lady today, so I had to break into Max’s piggy bank. I got caught.


  • “Mama, my socks aren’t working.”
    “Lukie, what’s wrong with them? I don’t understand what that means.”


  • Max found a dollar bill on the ground. Luke said it was his. I told Max that they would have to share it. Max ripped it in half. Luke freaked out. A modern day King Solomon story.


  • “Mama, do you want one?” — Luke, at 4 this morning, in my bed, offering me an animal cracker.


  • I had to clean the house this morning before our cleaning lady arrived.  I don’t actually want her to know what it looks like with three boys living in it.  I’m afraid she won’t ever come back.


  • Sitting in the car with all three boys strapped into their car seats listening to music. We aren’t going anywhere. I just need them contained.